Hiiii Happy Father’s Day 🙂
Maya didn’t shed a tear. I am not even surprise because she’s such a brave girl. I am standing at the door of her room watching her as she stares at the wall, sighing every now and then.
Beep. “I can wait ‘til early morning.*wink*” I checked my phone and reads a message from the girl I’ve met at the bar. Seriously though am I really that charming? I hid a smile and could feel someone whose attention is on me.
Her chin is rested at her right hand while eyeing me. “You are smiling while reading a message. Richard, if you have somewhere else to go, please don’t let my situation stop you. Enjoy your life.” She’s sincere while saying this but her last words hit the pit of my stomach.
Should I really enjoy my life while she’s here…Alone.. and who just found out that her ex did cheated on her?
“Pero alam mo, okay na din na nalaman ko na niloloko nya ko at hindi dahil may sakit ako kaya siya lumayo. At least I hate myself and my sickness a little less.”
I took a seat beside her not saying anything. I think she needs someone who can just sit and listen to her.
“Besides, he can be happy with that girl. Siguro nung nalaman nya na may sakit ako nabawasan yung guilt nya kasi parang tama talaga yung decision nya since I won’t last long and staying with me would end up hurting him.”
“Hey don’t say that.” I hate it that she’s pitying herself yet hates it when someone does it. She doesn’t deserve that jerk.
“Don’t worry, I am fine. You should go matutulog na lang muna ako.” She smiled at me before lying on her bed. I stayed and waited until she drifted off to dreamland.
And I went home and thought of her.
Five minutes. I am here for five minutes and yet, she only nodded her head without looking at me when she heard her door flew open indicating my presence. It’s already 7 in the evening on a weekday and Maya is busy writing something on her working table.
“What are you so busy about??” I walked right behind where she is seated and peeked at her table to see what she’s busy doing.
And as fast as she could, her hands covered the notebook so that I wouldn’t be able to read it.
“is that your diary??” I asked, for sure it is.
“wag ka magulo dyan! Di pa tapos. Umupo ka muna sa bed, manuod ka ng tv or go play ps4.” She instructed which I obediently did. I don’t want to stress her out so I let her be. Besides she says it is still not yet finished with whatever it is that she’s writing so I guess she’ll somehow share it to me once it’s done.
I switch through channels until I decided to watch the documentary about alligators, like how strong is their jaw is etcetera. I am learning a lot by watching this documentary on National Geographic and I felt comfortable sitting there not being bothered by anything. Until Maya stood right in front of me blocking my view from the TV.
She’s smiling down at me like a sun shining so bright. Geez how can she be this adorable even though it’s already late in the evening??
“I’m done, Ricky!!” she is now calling me Ricky, and yes we became so close and comfortable at each other that she can call me Ricky, Chard and like hell whatever else she wants to. Any nickname of mine that I don’t even allow anyone else calling me.
“Done with what?”
She flashes her smile yet again and handed me the notebook that she’s so busy working on. I quickly took it from her and flips through its pages as she is still giving me that expectant smile of hers.
Things to do and places to visit with Richard Lim (NOTE: it doesn’t have to be in particular order btw)
- Road trip to Baguio/Sagada
- Go island hopping in El Nido, Palawan
- Surf in Baler
- Ride a roller coaster (I’m not that brave enough before but now…YOLO)
- Date someone (for one night only)
- Drive a race car
- Watch a concert
- Watch a theater play
- Do a garage sale (all proceeds go to charity)
I re-read it. I am having a hard time breathing. I’ve watched a hell lot of films of someone who’s about to die writing their own bucket list. I might’ve shed a tear by watching those soppy movies. But this? This is different, it is happening in my reality I don’t even want this. I don’t want the idea that she’s doing this because she thinks her clock is ticking and she haven’t lived her life to the fullest.
I don’t want to participate in any of this, but what can I do? Say no and make her hate me?
“Konti pa nga Yan but I don’t think pwede ako lumabas ng bansa unless it is for me to go to a better hospital in another country.”
“I- uh..” I am speechless. I want to cry, but I can’t do that in front of her.
“I’ve watched The Bucket List kasi kanina in HBO and I realized that ang dami ko pang hindi nagagawa. You know what? Unahin natin yung number 6. I need to date before I lose my hair.” She laughed at her own statement. I don’t even think there’s anything funny at all. How can she be so cool with all of these?
“Ricky?? Uy!! Ano?? You know someone na pwede ko i-date? But don’t tell him na I am sick baka matakot di sumipot.” And again, she laughed. What the hell, woman???
“are you even sure about this??”
“Yes. Wag lang KJ ha? I know I am asking too much of your time, alam ko busy ka din pero ka pero kasi di ako papayagan Pag hindi ikaw ang kasama ko eh. Saka, I am much way more comfortable whenever I am with you.” She grins.
“Fine. 7pm tomorrow. He’ll pick you up.”
“Ha?? Bukas na agad? Nako! Kailangan ko na pumili ng susuotin!! Teka ano hitsura nya?? Wala man lang ba picture?” She asked, excited with the idea of dating again.
I grinned “basta bukas na. I’ll go home so you could choose what to wear and rest afterwards.”
With a final wave of goodbye, I left Maya as she busily picks up random dresses in her closet.
“What does he looks like?? Is he nice?”
Maya keeps on texting me the same message the entire day and I only managed to reply once saying that the guy will pick her up at 7 and the place will be a surprise.
But of course being herself, she can’t just stop from bugging me.
The thing is, I myself is excited for tonight. I will be her date. I ordered flowers, reserved a table for two in a restaurant in a hotel. And patiently waits for the clock to hit 7 in the evening.
To be honest, I have no idea what’s gotten into me. After reading her bucket list of wanting to date someone, I automatically thought of myself having dinner with her. It wasn’t the first time that we will be eating together, but I will make sure that it will be a memorable night for her.
I am aware that the more time I spent with her, the more we became close with each other. My mom and friends notice that I no longer go out at night and would often spend my nights with Maya. My mother is happy about this and I am actually genuinely happy whenever I visit her. There’s this positive energy that surrounds her.
Her excited face as she walks down the stairs earlier turned into an annoyed one when I told her that I will be her date for tonight. Tita Tere, her mom, was as usual very happy with my idea. She just missed seeing her daughter all dolled up and I couldn’t agree more. I would do anything just to see such beautiful girl as much as possible.
She is more of like a princess in my eyes right now. Maya is wearing a black dress, minimal make up on, and her hair falls perfectly on her shoulders. Simplicity indeed is beauty.
“I hate you.” I’ve been dying to hear her voice again but she didn’t even bother talking to me until I ordered the food in the restaurant.
“Why?” I queried as if I didn’t know the answer.
“I said I want to date someone but not you.” She rolled her eyes and took a sip from her water. I chuckled at her cuteness.
“Well, First of all you clearly wrote there na yung bucket list mo, you will be doing with me..”
“Yes but I didn’t say na Ikaw ang kadate ko dapat. Your participation is just to find me a date.” She cut me off, her eyes still glaring at me.
“Okay, but still I don’t have friends who are not known to be a player, Maya. I don’t like you dating one.” I said, seriously. And I really wouldn’t let her date anyone else. Darn it.
“Wow. Am I not dating one now??” She said sarcastically. One point goes to her again.
“Besides, di ba ang exciting na ako naman yung magpapaasa?”
“I used to be… I’m no longer like that. And hey, you don’t know my friends. They wouldn’t let you go without getting you laid. Ganun sila kaplayer.”
She pouted as if thinking “ooh. So you’re like them.. before??”
She added the last word as I kept quiet and she must’ve noticed that I am not in the mood to answer. I don’t even want her to know the answer, somehow I want her to know that I am not a bad guy. That I am capable of loving one girl….
Oh! crap where did that came from?? My thoughts these days since the day I met Maya… I don’t know who I am anymore.
“Okay lang, you really don’t need to answer. Anyway, thank you for bringing me here. Pati sa pagsakay sa kalokohan ko.” She dont even have to thank me, I am enjoying every second with her.
“You’re welcome. So one down!”
“Yes, one down.” she smiled ever so sweetly, and from this night I surrendered. I lost this battle, my heart is definitely hers.
At exactly eleven in the evening we reach her home. I am staring at her, memorizing her every move. So this is what love feels like, huh?
“Thank you ulit, Ricky!!” she spins around and after a moment, I felt her arms engulfing me in a bear hug. My heart started pounding in my chest making known its existence. This is the first time I’ve felt this.
“Kahit hindi ikaw ang gusto ko talaga i-date.” She slowly steps away from me, a few inches apart. My eyes traveled on her face, starting to her eyes down to her..kissable lips.
Suddenly, as my eyes goes back to her eyes, the air changes. We are staring at each other.. and I did it. I kissed her. Just one lingering kiss. I don’t want to scare her and I am actually scared on what will be her reaction.
I broke the kiss and looked back at her. She is still staring at me, confused on what I just did.
“I-… I ” I stutter, darn it I don’t even know how to start.
“You don’t have to say sorry. Just leave.” Her coldness broke my heart into pieces. I won’t leave this room without explaining what I feel.
“I won’t leave until you listen to me, Maya.” I grabbed her arms and sincerely looked into her glassy eyes.
“I..I love you. I don’t care kung ayaw mong maniwala but I really do.”
I waited for her response..but she kept mum. I tried to read her thoughts but I couldn’t.
“I don’t know when and how it just happened, Maya.” I tried again, but still no answer.
“Hey, please say something.” I took both of her hands and pleaded. I might’ve been too fast for her but if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from any of these it’s that time is precious.
I couldn’t wait any longer to love her and make her love me.
“Leave.” That one word and the coldness of her voice makes me so scared of what lies ahead in the future. She’s pushing me away and I don’t know why. We were happy, I know she’s happy as well when we’re together. Why is she doing this?
“No. I want to know why are you pushing me away.”
“Stop!” She half-shouted. Her voice trembling. “If you’re only doing this because naaawa ka sa’kin, please don’t. Have you ever thought na yung naramdaman mo is not love? Naaawa ka lang, Richard. Stop doing this to me.”
Maya is trying to hold her tears. I am mad at the situation, I am so sure of my feelings how can she even think that way?
“Maya ano bang sinasabi mo? This is the first time that I felt like this.”
“Kaya nga! Hindi mo ba naisip na kasi nga I am dying, kaya nandito ka palagi kaya akala mo mahal mo ako pero naaawa ka lang. Nalilito ka sa nararamdaman mo.”
“Nandun pa din ba tayo? After these past few days akala mo awa lang lahat?? Maya, yung first time na binisita kita I admit, naaawa ako. But every single day that I am here, I am happy…then I fell in love. I am not stupid not to know the difference, Maya.”
She purses her lips while staring down. “Everything is just too fast, Richard.”
“Okay, I will not push you to love me in an instant. I will prove my love to you.”
I reached for her and embrace her. “I already booked a flight to Palawan. We’re leaving in two days. I will see you, then. I won’t be able to visit you in the next two days as I need to finish some work para makapagbakasyon tayo.” I tilted her chin so she could look at me.
“Napagpaalam na kita. Don’t worry, I will see you in two days time.” I kissed her head and quickly went out of her room not even taking a glance back.
I can’t even allow her to say no. I will prove to her how much I love her. She changed me. Whatever it takes, no matter how hard it will be, I will still love her.
And as I leave her tonight, I look forward for the next few days with her. A smile spreads on my face as I imagine. Gosh, I love this woman!