Chapter 1: Best Thing I Never Had
Sunday. The best day in the week, well at least for me. Since the day when our movie was put on shelve, I can’t help it. I had felt once again that strange feeling that I had felt before when we had different paths in life that we took.
Every once in a while we would see each other, she would say hi and will give me her sweetest smile. That smile that captured my heart. We were okay, as she would always say but I know and I can feel that there is something missing….US. The old us.
I sat comfortably on the couch. I looked at the clock. 8pm as it says. I will start my weekly habit in a bit. I will watch her perform. She never fails to amaze me. I turned the television on and waited for her weekly show. The clock keeps on ticking. I was impatient now. In 1,2,3,4 and the show started. My eyes were glued on the television. I heard her laugh. I love it when she chuckles, it is like a music to my eras that I would like to put on repeat.
Blah.blah.blah.. that name again, I wonder if she really likes that guy. I would often hear others tease her to him. I don’t know if they are really closer now, all I know is that she is happy when he is around her for I am not blind not to see that. But somehow, my heart is telling me that she is at her best when we’re together. I was about to switch the channel when suddenly she was asked by her ate Juday about her favourite movie that she did. I don’t know but somehow, I am hoping that she would answer ours but then again, she opt to smile instead, well as expected. It is better that way anyway, instead of me hearing things that my heart couldn’t bear to hear.
After the commercial break, my birthday greeting for her was shown. I almost forgot that. I remember when I was asked for a message, I was about to say happy birthday Sarah, just that. A simple and formal greeting would do. But my heart is shouting words beyond m mind could ever think of.
“Happy Birthday Sarah” a mantra that I am repeating in my mind. In 3,2,1 here it goes. “Happy Birthday Sarah…sana talaga masaya ka.” These were the last words that I remembered which my heart blurted out.
I know that somehow, rumors might be true. Well, I am only wishing the best for her, coz I am in pain whenever I see her cry. I don’t know if it was just me, but her statement song made her answer the unanswered question earlier. I hate it when my heart keeps on hoping.
July 7, that birthday concert of hers. I was excited. I finished all of my commitments in a week to be able to see her today. I called someone to pick up the flowers that I ordered for Sarah. A bouquet of Tulips with a note that says “Congrats Sarah!- your forever fan, Idan” I would love to say more but I suppress my heart in doing so.
Inside the big dome, I waited for the show to start from a distance. I saw some of our friends from the show business coming in, I even saw Gerald…I felt that pain again. Damn. Why is he here? Oh great, as if that I don’t know that he is courting her.
As the show started, I was astonished. She’s becoming more and more beautiful. My heart skipped a beat as she starts to sing and dance. I am hiding in the crowd, inconspicuously fidgeting. We are near yet so far, but my heart stays to where her heart is and is shouting ‘I love you’
I am happy for her. I smiled as I left Araneta without others noticing that I was there. As I stepped back, I steal a glance of her once more. I know that I am not needed here. She can have a very wonderful concert, for her inspiration is here..And I am not that guy now. She will forever be, the best thing I never had.