NOTES FROM THE HEART- Chapter 4: Answered Question

Chapter 4: Answered Question

A/N: hi. If there will be errors sa names ng characters, I am sorry (if there are any). Because it is actually written 5 years ago and the original names of the characters are Sarah and John. I just felt that this somehow fits to Maya and Ricky so I changed the characters’ names. So enjoy, I will just post other chapters, will just post them when I’m not that busy. Enjoy! :)))

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She was alone in her room, covered with blanket. It is a cold rainy evening a good night to read, she thought.

I haven’t wrote anything here after our wedding. I totally forget all about this. I’m so happy with him and just wanted to spend every minute with him.

So, I know you are wondering why I write again. I just can’t tell him. Not yet. Not now while I’m still feeling better. Not until I know I can still do things normally. I can still spend every moment left with him. Just a mere thought of those days and nights that will be hard for me, I wanna weep. Not because I will experience pain as a result of what I’m going through but because I know he’ll be hurting more. Anyway, there is no reason on telling him everything as early as now. There is no cure anyway. I cried whenever he is in deep slumber. I can’t leave him. I promise I wouldn’t. Why is this happening now? When everything is perfect. So right. I don’t know the answer to these questions, no matter how hard I try to understand. It is hard for me but I know it’ll be harder for him when the day comes that I’ll be gone. I love him and that is what matters most now, to live my remaining days for him.

A tear fell from her eye as Maya felt the pain that Alex is feeling. Another answered question, Maya. So, is she dead now? That thought normally would made her scared but the sadness over powered everything.

She feels bad about the two of them. Nobody as good as them deserve such thing. No couple who is sharing that great love should be forced apart. Then she remembered her ex which made her wished that her ex was as loving and loyal as Chard. How she just hoped.

Before sleep can get into her, she prayed a prayer for the two of them. She hopes that Alex will guide Chard for she knows that he is still longing for his only love.
____

Weeks passed and I can now feel the cancer eating my energy. Chard still doesn’t know anything about it. I am secretly drinking my medicines. I know it can’t cure me but at least it can hopefuly add few more minutes or hours with him. That would be acceptable.

Earlier today during our hearty breakfast together, I suddenly felt dizzy and I know I needed to throw up. So, I stood up as quick as I can and proceeded to the sink in the kitchen.

Chard followed me asking me if I am okay. I faked a smile and nodded. The next statement that he blurted made me more weak. Those words made me want to cry in front of him but I stop myself from doing so. He was so happy, excited even. “Love, baka… Hindi kaya… You’re pregnant?” His eyes light up. I know I can no longer have any with him. It hurts me more that there will be no mini us in the future. I just smiled weakly at him. I wanted him to be happy but I don’t want to add the pain that he might feel if one day he’ll know everything. So, I shook my head as I answered no. He nodded again and embraced me tight while saying “Soon we will become one happy family. In time, Love.”

How I just hope Chard that day will come. But I am just expecting few more months here on earth and I can no longer give you what you wanted. Maybe, just maybe.. Someone will come after I left and she’ll give you a happy family that you deserve. It hurts that I won’t be the one who can. But it will hurt me more if you will never have one. I love you so much that I only wanted you to be happy.

Forever and always,
Lex

No! There will be no other woman for me but you. You are my only happiness.. Why did you chose not to tell me? Why? – Chard

This is worse than watching a series on tv or reading a novel. Alex’s sadness and Chard’s answer to her made Maya’s heart twinge in pain. This feeling is like that same old feeling that she felt when she and her ex broke up. Well actually, it is worse than that. So she cried as well like as if she just read a very sad book. Unknown to her, Chard is crying hard as well as he consumed his nth bottle of beer.
____

“Anak, ano ba yan parang namamaga yung mata mo? Umiyak ka ba kagabi? Teka, binalikan ka ba nung–”

“Nay! Hindi po.” Maya cuts her mother off before she could say her ex’s name.

“Okay, nagtatanong lang naman. Eh bakit nga namamaga yan?”

“Eh, may binabasa lang po akong libro na nakakaiyak.”

“Hay nako. Ikaw talaga. Sige, kumain ka na dyan bago ka pumasok.”

She touched her eyes when her mother left the dining. Is it really that red from crying last night? Why the heck is she affected anyway? She heaved a sigh before she continues eating.
___

The rain is pouring hard outside our house. As hard as how Chard is crying in front of me now. He already knows that I am sick. Worse is that, he found it out from my mom. Yes, I told my mom last week. She cried hard as well but she promised she won’t tell Chard, yet.

Now, my heart is breaking slowly into pieces as I saw my husband crying in front of me. He doesn’t deserve such pain. He is mad at me, mad at the world as well as in himself. He is cursing everything! He is blaming himself for not taking care of me, but he did take good care of me! I don’t want to see him like this. He is blaming me for not telling him, I told him that won’t help because it has no cure. He shouted back and told me that there is still hope that I can still live. He told me about the chemo but I dismissed that already. That would made me much more weak. The side effects and everything and at the end of it, I still won’t live. It is stage 4 and as the doctor told me, I only have 3 months to live, and that was a month ago. 2 months more and I will be gone. Chard blames the doctor for pulling out the hope in me. I told him I just accepted the fact. He said that I was just making excuses in order to leave him. That is not true. But I have to leave him one day and we are all leaving the earth. I love him so much. I don’t want to let go… Not yet.

Why is Maya’s heart is breaking? Like she is present there.

“Maya, okay ka lang ba?” Simon, her other friend noticed her tears rolling down her face.

“Uh. Oo. I am reading kasi.” She smiled

“Oh. Novel? Well, anyway uwian na. Sabay ka na sa’min?”

Maya glances at her watch. She didn’t notice that it was 5pm now. The last time she checked, it was only 4pm. She is so consumed by this, she even skipped lunch. Oh Maya. Sigh.

“Ah.. Wag na Simon, may dadaanan pa kasi ako. Ingat kayo.”

“Well, alright. Ingat ka din pag-uwi.”

They bid good-bye and left, while Maya is not yet on the mood to go home. She is hungry, the effect of skipping lunch. There is only a convenience store that is the nearest to her office. She can no longer walk a few more minutes to reach the fast food.

She decided to get a hotdog sandwich and a slurp. This might take the hunger away from her, she thought. Just as when she is approaching the cashier, a guy walks pass by her making his way first to the cashier. “Ayos din makasingit si Kuya, gutom pa naman ako.” She complains to her inner self.

While the guy is paying, she noticed what he is buying. “Seryoso? Ang dami namang beer nyan. Ah.. Baka may party siguro.” She thought.

After the guy paid all the beers and plastics are now at hand, he immediately turned bumping Maya behind. But he didn’t turn his back to say sorry. He just continued walking.

“Wow. Sorry ha!” She shouted at the guy.

“It’s alright.” The man answered not turning around.

“Wha– haaaay nako!” She just let it pass and rolled her eyes instead.

“Pagpasensiyahan nyo na lang po ma’am, mukhang malaki po ang problema nun eh.” The guy on the payment area told her when she approached the cashier.

“Obvious naman.” She quipped.

Little did she know, it was the lead star on the lovestory that she is so hooked in.
_____

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